Sunday, September 14, 2014

Altuzarra for Target FULL REVIEW!

Oooooh I was so excited for today! The launch of Joseph Altuzarra's capsule collection for TARGET!   I decided as a public service I would try on everything and give you the low-down on all of these pieces. Let's be clear, I'm not a size 2, 18 year old model. I'm 34, I've had 2 kids, there has been no retouching to this bod. 

First up was this kind of bohemian, swiss dot dress with gold sequins:
I am not a bohemian kind of lady. The fabric was lovely, & I thought it fit well!
 See here it is on the model. She doesn't look happy. LOL

This golden crane sweater.
 Meh, i'm not really a sweater wearer. I did see it belted on this lady:
I think belting it makes it work! Sadly, the belt was sold out at my Target store. I cried.

A plum satin dress with orchid print:
 On me, the waist fell too high, and was more like an empire than an obi-belt waist. So it really wasn't working.
On the model below, the waist hits perfectly, but that's because she was fitted for this dress for the lookbook:

A black jacquard pencil skirt:
 I liked this. It has a chunky gold exposed zipper in the back. I like the slit. this is a hot look, espesh with my track jacket, lol. But I just don't know where I'm going to wear this. I have a great pencil skirt and I NEVER wear it. Sadsies.
Here it is on the model above, you can see that the fabric has a cool texture. it's a great piece.

This dress... That looks like an oxford shirt & python pencil skirt!
This is pretty rad. I am all about one-piece dressing. If I worked in an office, you could just put this thing on, zip up and GO! It's got the great gold chunky zipper up the side. It's fantastic. I'd love it with the Altuzarra for Target brown waist cinching belt.
 Eva Herzigova is wearing it (above) with a matching blazer that was not available at my store!! boo!

A full python dress:
 I am not a fan of the python print. and this is too much. in a jersey fabric too, yeeeesh, it's just looking too Night at the Roxbury for me. Plus look at the armholes on me compared to Naomie (below) they are so huge on me, that is not a good look
On Naomie Harris (above) the fit is better. it's hitting right above her natural waist, making her leggies look so long. I didn't like how this dress looked empire-waisted on me. I always think of empire being for maternity clothes only.

A red gypsy-chic dress!
 If I was a hippie chick i would be all over this dress, but alas I am not. it's cute, has great detail and nice material, but I just can't.

This red jersey draped dress I loved:
 Dramatic deep-V neckline, the draping on the lower body... it's got a great little belt with fringe on it too, which i think would have been every more gorgeous in a cobalt blue, to give more definition to the waist, because let's face it, the same color and material gets lost visually.
Sorry Naomi, I think i win this one. lol

Lastly, I tried on this sweatshirt with satin front panel:
Why? Who is this flattering on?
Not on Garance Dore (above). She paired the sweatshirt with the jacquard pencil skirt. And why are we all pushing up our sleeves like this? To me, it makes the arm look shorter and the upper arm look wider. Who wants that!?

Anyways, I'm still going to go to a couple more Target stores to try to find the waist belt:
and the olive trench:
If any of you see these items LET ME KNOW!! Tweet me at @readydressedgo !

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Fashion Rocks 2014: Booty vs. Booty

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is when REALLY TALENTED celeb women dress like street crawlers. 
You are BEAUTIFUL, you are GIFTED with the gift of SONG. you don't NEED to dress like this, or show your body gratuitously. But I guess if that's what you want to do, go for it. But you'd be famous anyways. 

So I was super confused when at the *Fashion Rocks* show last night, which is the *Mash-Up* of the *Fashion World* & the *Music World*, Ass is all over my Computer Screen. 

Jennifer Lopez wore an awesome Versace one-legged jumpsuit on the Fashion Rocks red carpet, I mean this is an amazing garment.
Isn't this seckzy and provocative enough? But also having really cool design, and not just resting on the laurels of flesh to shock and awe?

I understand that this below is a "costume", it's stage gear, not real life clothes:
and I don't have an issue with it from this perspective. I just don't think anyone needs to give the world a proctologist's view of their rectum. 

Nicki Minaj on the red carpet, meh. Ho hum.

On stage, Nicki is looking like a girl you'd see in a shady Southfield club (you know the one)
Nicki definitely needs a new stylist, that is obvious.
her new song & video for "Anaconda" are going to get her a babillion video views & people are going to talk about how overtly sexual she is on all the TV shows, magazines, blogs... public eye on overdrive. even though, and this is the honest truth, Anaconda is a REALLY SHITTY SONG. but who cares, we all get to see a lot of ass and her cash just keeps piling up.

So let's class it up ladies. Take a cue from the Queen:
sure Naomi's showed her flawless body in a public forum, but it was in a beautiful artistic graceful way. I know that Ms. Campbell wouldn't lower herself to cheeseball booty-shaking on CBS. Remember, life is a marathon, and don't you want to be remembered as a fabulous elegant person rather than a step above a Hooters girl?
I don't know, you decide.

Monday, September 8, 2014

NYFW Spring 2015... All you need to know.

Sadly, or happily, this month's New York Fashion Week for Spring 2015 has hit me at a weird time. In the middle of rehabbing my new shoulder you'd think i'd have TONS of time to watch the shows & pick the creme de la creme for you to see, but man, i feel like i haven't had a second. 

But now that I have gotten to watch some of the shows, whoa nelly, i am so impressed. For these 3 designers below these are the best looks I've ever seen from them! I feel like a cheerleader screaming GO TEAM GO! 

Alexander Wang
 I love this tennis dress so much that if i saw someone on the street wearing it i would google "how to do the sleeper hold" to power-down the woman wearing it all while holding a finger to my lips saying "SHHHHHH!" then leave her in her skivvies in her sleep on the street.
Sorry, I just love it.

This is pretty & novel & i love the color blocking done in a flawy fabric. I do not do flowy as a rule. But i would complement this dress on someone else.

THIS TOP!! omg. we are going to see every Starlet from sea to shining sea in this thing. it's SO COOL though. It looks like true futuristic girls-that-run-the-world gear!

 Alex, that's what I call him, did 3 of these neato woven dresses. This was my fav of the three. It's very seckzy, but you know with that woven fabric it's got to be comfy as hell. So it's really a mock-structured dress. Which is a great concept.

Herve Leger
I ALWAYS make fun of Herve Leger. Those bandage dresses are so played out. THANK GOD they didn't do them (exclusively) again! I ADORE the first look above. I really really want to wear that. Great illusion fabric booty short set. And the white dress. I just want that on my body so bad. It's so classy and hot at the same time it's like Cate Blanchett.

Prabal Gurung
Quirky... Interesting... Fun color combos... This set above I would love to wear on an everyday basis. This is gorgeous.

Such a sporty, rad suit. It's so flattering too, the cut and piecing make the body look so sculpted and feline. It looks like modern spy gear. The woman that wears this can jump out of airplanes.

I can't wait to try this dress on as well. I just feel like Prabal was designing directly for me this season. I mean, Polka Dots, Silly Sleeves & Cut Outs!? YES PLEASE!

I can't wait to watch the rest of the shows now! I'm so inspired!

Saturday, September 6, 2014

How to Shop for Awesome Vintage and WIN

Since I'm on narcotic medication right now I decided to reveal my secrets to acquiring the proverbial Holy Grail of fashion... aka GREAT VINTAGE CLOTHING. 

I mean you can go to the COOL Vintage Clothing Stores, which I love. Like *Mother Fletchers* in Ferndale... Which has another name now... I've gotten so many great pieces here:

Or *Finders Keepers Vintage* in Plymouth, this shop is TINY but FANTASTIC.

Or everyone's favorite *Lost & Found* in Royal Oak. omg, i could spend a whole day just trying stuff on in here. AND I HAVE.

But... My home base, my comfy blankie, my ground zero for most of my TOTES AMAZIES VINTAGE garments is the good ol' Salvation Army:

It's huuuuuuuge, it's not curated. But for some reason I take a huge thrill in the hunt. 

I LOVE flipping through racks and racks of Snooki's cast-offs in search of something truly awesome
I swear tons of retired strippers donate to my Local Salvation Army. I find stuff like this above all the time. 

BUT KEEP THE FAITH MY FRIENDS, because if you dig through all of that Russian Disco gear, you can find stuff like THIS:

Here's a couple *insider tips* for Salvation Army vintage shopping:

Check the "Plus Size" Dress Section-
Remember! a Vintage Size 14 is a Modern Size 8. So I've seen TONS of great cool 1960s dresses that are *my size* put in the "Plus Size" section, just because the person that racked them doesn't know about our current vanity sizing crisis, god bless them. I love it. 

ALSO, I find a lot of really cool vintage T-shirts in the boys section!
Apparently I have the body of a teenage boy soccer player, because I've gotten super-rad vintage soccer track jackets... 1980s european futbol jerseys... All in the boys section of the Salvation Army! Can you believe it!?

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Why Wax? WHY!!!!???

Right before my surgery I made the genius decision to get all of my body hair waxed off, because who knows when I'd be able to shave again after getting my shoulder replaced... 
and I'm glad as hell I did, because it's two and a half weeks later & my armpits look like the back of a raccoon, JUST IMAGINE IF I HADN'T WAXED? I'd have the luscious underarm mane of a Kardashian's scalp.

but just in case you didn't know WAXING HURTS LIKE EFFING HELL.

and it made me question WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES!?

For Beauty!? I guess???

Why is hair "ugly"? We have hair on our heads... It's acceptable for men to have body hair everywhere. But when women show that we DO ACTUALLY CONSTANTLY grow body-hair, it's "gross" and we drop our jaws and stand with our mouths agape in horror. 

Remember in the 90s when Julia Roberts decided not to shave her armpits?
everyone was like "OH MY GOD THAT'S SO DISGUSTING!"

and when Mo'Nique showed up with hairy legs on the Red Carpet when doing press for "Precious" people everywhere simultaneously vomited

So what do we women do? We PAY MONEY for someone to pour HOT WAX on our skin, and then RIP IT OFF IN STRIPS!

It kills. Especially the underarms... Oh my gawd, it burns and stings like the barbs of a thousand angry wasps
Why do we do this?

My armpits are currently hairy, and I literally cannot shave or wax them and no one has *screamed in terror* or fainted in disgust or anything.

Also my legs, which I really don't have an excuse for not shaving, other than i'm exhausted from healing and don't have a lot of time on my hands, they are covered with a coat of fine blonde fur. This has not stopped me from wearing shorts or dresses, and I haven't been cast out of town like a Revolting She-Beast (yet).

I just think that shaving is one of those things that as women, we just need to chill out about. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be these hairless, glowing, silky mirages of perfection; but in real life no one really cares. Especially men, I honestly don't think any of the men I hang out with have even noticed.

So next time you pay $60 a leg to get this done

and writhe in pain like Arnold in "Total Recall"

Remember, that the people who love you, love you for YOU, not for your body-hair status. Being hair-free is not what makes you attractive, being an awesome happy human is what does that!