Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Runway Rundown - Viva La Moda Fashion Show!!

So I've got a Fashion Show coming up! Get on down here! It's going to be fun!!

One of my Favorite Lovies in the world, Eva Hill, is the Vice President of Oakland University Fashion House! What an amazing beauty she is, I love her. 

It's **Las Vegas** themed. So I'm hoping I get to wear a feathery headpiece like this!

Today we practiced all of our runway walks, turns, partner walks, SUPERNOVA walks, etc. 
It was a blast. I enjoy channeling my inner Joan Smalls.

We walked to this hilarious song; "HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE", which turned out to be a sort of foreshadowing of *Shade Throwing* to come...

 I was wearing my favorite "work shoes":
and some roached-out chick said to my face, "I don't like those shoes."
Well guess what honey! You don't have to wear them! She looked like a middle-aged Britney Spears with Bad Knock-Off Miss Me jeans:

She's probably intimidated by my fierce-as-hell runway walk.
i don't care what bitches say. 

We had one designer do fittings today, and he had a sparkly sheer sequin bodysuit similar to this one:
 Ay dios mio. I'm a 35 year old mother of two.

And then a little teal crop bandeau like this:
 Which he gave to this tiny little gorgeous model to wear, and she looked marvelous.

Come on down to the show Friday Dec 5th and Support Our Local Detroit-Area Fashion Designers! 

Monday, November 24, 2014

My Favorite Fashion Color-Ways

Being an *International Fashion Expert* as well as *ALMOST- Michigan's Greatest Artist* means I take major liberties when it comes to the color combos of clothing I choose to wear. 
I'm not just going black & white, I'm going all over the rainbow with this. 

So here are a few of my Favorite Fashion Color Combos that I LOVE to wear!!

Today I had on a Gray dress & Olive green leggings...

  • Gray & Olive 

not as expected as Navy & Gray, or Khaki & Olive. The Gray & Olive makes you look like you are an expert at Urban warfare as well as Rural. 

I love this guys outfit, even though he's doing that SUPER LAME "fashion blogger" thing of looking at the ground in his photo. Please, Mr. Man. NO NO NO! Let us see your beautiful face!!

It's super neutral, but looks *new-tral* in that it's not a obvious classic pairing. 
 How comfy does this jersey skirt & top look? If I wasn't so anti-ruching I'd think about getting it.

See! Even Kim K got onto the Gray & Olive bandwagon!!

  • Light blue & Orange

Orange is seriously the unsung hero of the color-wheel. It lights up your skin, makes it appear warm and rosy. Makes you look healthy even if you subsist on a light blue & orange colored diet of Valium & Cheetos.
I think the Orange brings out the cool crispness of the light blue as well. They are pretty much opposites, and this works well for them. Like Marilyn Monroe & Arthur Miller. it's a very summery, happy, fun combo.
Aren't these shoes so cute?

  • Burgundy & Tan

Or you can call it *Camel & Oxblood* if you're feeling carnivorous. A Khaki skirt & Maroon leggings are a staple of my wardrobe. Aren't color names fun?

 Again, very warming to the skin. Lovely on every complexion. The bite of Merlot-Color tempers the Camel into a creamy supporting role bringing out the earthiness of the just bitten Cordovan, without letting it fall into goth territory (not that there's anything wrong with that).
This color-way also reminds me of the 1970s too. With all the Gold and Deep Red lipstick.

So when you get dressed tomorrow try and think of all the fun colors you can put together, colors and pieces of clothing that you never thought you could "pull off". Well guess what, YOU CAN!! DO IT!

Sunday, November 23, 2014


"Musicians" are "Artists", right!?
So we kind of expect them to dress a little on the crazy side, to show their personality. 
But nowadays, so many of our *people in music* are just formulated stars that are dressed by stylists to generate the most "likes" or "RTs". 

Well, fuck that line of thinking, let's get ALL FRIVOLOUS UP IN HERE!

Who cares if this is really a "wardrobe styling contest". I just like pretty clothes on human bodies. 
Here are the garments I liked best:

  • Vivienne Westwood Red Label on Charli XCX

 A Vivienne Westwood dress would make Manute Bol look like a bombshell. It pushes you up just right, squeezes you in perfectly so, and carves out this flawless female form into WHOMEVER is wearing it. Charli XCX looks fucking fantastic and she knows it. She may have just sang a couple of hooks, and had a few singles here and there, but damn she looks like a zillion bucks. And also, even if Charli ends up being a *flash in the pan*, Vivienne Westwood will always be one of our greatest fashion designers.

  • Alexander Wang on Nicki Minaj

The skater-skirt dress trend is alive and well, people!! Nicki is still bringing her demure side to the red carpet, which she's been doing for about a year now (?). I don't mind. I think she looks great, but I also think she looked wonderful when she was seated next to Anna Wintour wearing head to toe Puff-Balls.

  • Jessie J wearing this AWESOME white suit which i cannot find the designer of

Classic Bianca Jagger swagger in the white suit. I love this look. I'd love to rock it somewhere. This is just a dream for me. Jessie's suit here is cut FREAKING PERFECTLY for her body. Like that shit was bespoke. I think it's cool that we have these iconic fashion looks that can be referenced. It's like taking a great classic R&B song and using a beat from it in a new song. Taking the best from the past and putting your own stank on it. (thanks solange)

  • Jhene Aiko in this cutesy Copper Princess Dress

Someone is going to say this is too formal for the AMAs. But, it's her AMAs and she can wear whatever the hell makes her (and her styling team) happy.
I think she looks like a dream in this, and especially since she's a young pretty woman, she's not just going for the shock of flaunting as much skin as possible, which is REFRESHING AS HELL.
She looks ULTRA HAPPY, it looks like she can eat and breathe in this gown, so hats off to you my dear. You look beautiful.

  • Reem Acra on Jennifer Lopez 

 I initially disregarded this dress and said it makes her boobs look like loaves of bread. Also that she obviously held on to the Moby Wrap she used with her kids.
But then I realized the point of the dress is to celebrate her INSANE body, so then i thought: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If I'm going to be critique-y, id say I would love to see this dress in a richer color, like a jewel-tone. Oooh, a deep Amethyst or Sangria color would be so gorgeous and bring out the warmth in her skin. This ashy-blush tone makes her look slightly Casper-ish (the ghost, not her Ex), but it shows that all she needs is a couple spools of ribbon from JoAnn Fabrics to slay a crowd.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Hair FAILS - CMA 2014 edition

Yes yes yes, i make fun of the CMA Awards Red Carpet every single year... With the massive, tacky over styled gowns and every single male artist looking like an American Idol contestant in the early 2000s. 

But this year, since it presented itself so clearly, let's focus on the hair:

1. My "mane" issue is with the brassy blonde on Kimberly Schlapman, or whatever her name is:
She is a FAMOUS PERSON, they have access to COLORISTS. it's not like she is hanging her head over the kitchen sink with some Miss Clairol, which is EXACTLY WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. 
The last time I went to Big Lots, the cashier had that exact same shade of *bleached to the ends of the earth in my trailer bathroom* Goldenrod locks. This is not a good look. Get some depth, get some conditioner on it, go see Rita Hazan STAT. 

2. Here is Natalie Stovall serving some good ol' late 1990s prom hair:
not even just prom *hair*, prom ERYTHANG. Dress, jewelry, makeup... I know one of my girlfriends wore this whole look TOP TO TOE to one of our High School formals. I looked at photos of Natalie, and I guess she's known for this "wild" hair, but no matter what way you cut it, this hairstyle is not modern in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. She's a young gorgeous girl, she deserves better styling than this. Come on Glam Squad.

3. Kacey Musgraves in an Elvira meets Barbarella back-combed extension menagerie that rivals the Great Pyramid in the mystery of it's construction:
Truth be told, it's almost so ridiculous that I love it.
She also looks like the most intelligent woman of all time, because just imagine the brain that she could store under there! She's figure out the exact number of dimensions that are upon us, and how many of those are simply taken up by her hair. Or maybe she has a gun in there! Like in "Hairspray" (1988)? Was it a gun?

Now here ladies...
This is how you do it. I don't know why Lily Aldridge was at the CMAs, maybe she got lost on the way to somewhere else:
But this is how you do hair. JUST CHILL THE FUCK OUT. Don't try to make a statement by contorting your hair into these insane incarnations, just be a statement yourself.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

How to make yourself into a Paper Doll

I have all these "push flyers" left over from my failure at the Michigan's Great Artist contest. So I thought what better use for embarrassing myself and for my humility than making a dress out of them!
I saw this photo and was like OOOOOH I WANNA MAKE DAT.

But crap. I don't know how to sew very well. Sure I can do the occasional alterations for myself, and make little frocks for M, but I really don't know how to do REAL DRESS CONSTRUCTION like Kini does on Project Runway, even though I really wish I could.

I put my Thinking Cap on and decided to go to the Salvation Army, and get a "base" dress that I could just build the flyers on, sew them, staple them, whatever! GENIUS!

Here's what I found:

Instantly, I was draw like a moth to the flame by vintage...

oh my god how fantastic is this. Handmade... Ah, that makes my heart sing. I love the big gold buttons and puff sleeves. The scratchy upholstery fabric was digging itself right into my soul.
 For some reason it reminded me of Maria from "The Sound of Music"
Maybe the dress I tried on was made out of The Captain's curtains, like the playclothes for the Von Trapp kids. I don't know if this dress is supposed to be floor length or this awkward yet SUPER ON TREND Midi length, but I just love it, and don't care.

Then I found this little Early 1970s gem.
 I want to work at WJM with Mary Tyler Moore in this dress.
The dress does not have a zipper or any other entrance/exit strategy other than pulling it over your head. I saw this above dress right after my Shoulder Replacement surgery, and I literally cried because I knew I couldn't get the thing on or off without at least 3 people assisting me. TODAY I GOT IT ON, and off. But off took about 10 minutes, but hey, whatever.

I saw this David Meister dress, and just had to try it because David Meister dresses fit me well
 I felt that it was super boring and immediately took it off.

Then I saw an Angora sweater dress:
 Oh lord jesus was this thing soft and comfortable. I just want an entire world made out of Angora to live in and just snuggle my little head in there forever.
As much as I loved this one, I thought flyers would not adhere to it well and that I should stay somewhat on task.

So I put this little Amethyst gem on my bod:
How darling is this little Violet cupcake!? A portrait collar looks so good on everyone. The button detail is so cute. The only thing is that I think this has GOT to be a petite-cut, because the waist was hitting me SO HIGH on the ribcage.

I think I can at least do a little Leslie Knope Flyer dress with this!
I think that'll be perfect.


Sunday, November 2, 2014

Coat Hoarding

We're finally getting into the "REAL" Michigan Cold Weather Season, which is actually most of the year, except for that occasional January 25th when it's randomly 75 degrees... 

So coats are important to us, since we are wearing them a great deal of the year, and for that large amount of time, your coat is your "outfit" because it's what you're wearing all day, dashing this way and that, your coat is what people see you in. So it should be fabulous. 

I have many of The Classics in my coat wardrobe:
  • The black, edgy long wool 
  • The camel cashmere wrap
  • The vaguely New England-ish plaid toggle
But I always want "More... More... More..." just like Billy Idol.

So I found these today, ooooh please enter my coat-harem, you cheeky little minxes you:

This ColorBlock Coat from Long Tall Sally is gorgeous:

 I have never bought from this brand, despite being both long and tall. I love that it looks like a post-apocalyptic urban dystopia army uniform. Which I am all about joining. It's $215. And I'm sure I wouldn't even have to complain about the sleeves being too short, or the waist falling 4 inches above where it should. But I like to complain.

This Baby-Blue Maison Kitsune Twiggy Coat:
 I like this coat because of the color. I've never seen a wool winter jacket it such a pristine blue. It's the wool trench that Elsa from Frozen wears when she goes shopping in NYC. I love a belt on a winter jacket, Yes, please create me a waist, Thank you.

Super Cute ModCloth "Plush My Buttons" Coat:
 I LOVE LOVE LOVE this and it's only $100. The fitted waist and peplum detail is so flattering. Plus, all that vertical detail will create such a clean, long, willowy line down the body, this is just so cool. For some reason I am really digging these military-esque details, and I am dying over the buttons on this. I DO WISH it was in a *less drab* color, but hey, the world isn't perfect, right?

Oooooh La La, this Vika Gazinskaya Cashmere Trumpet Coat:
Can YOU STAND IT!? I would dress this down for everyday wear too. I can't get over the shape of this jacket, it's so liquid-feminine, it just makes me gasp. At one time in my life I had a gorgeous long coat in a Russian Red similar to this, and I wore it until the entire lining frayed and disintegrated. Such was my love for this garment. This coat above is $3,565 so not exact at the price point I'm looking for, but hey... a girl can dream, can't she?

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Michigan's Great Artist

Hey Guys, I know this is completely shameless. But today is the last day for voting for "Michigan's Great Artist" contest, and I really want to win. Here's the link: (click here) 
Instructions below on this image:

I really want this Louis Vuitton Fall/Winter 2014/15 coat:
and the prize money should cover most of the price, LOL!! jk jk jk. I kid.

No, but wouldn't it be cool for a silly fashion blogger to be MICHIGAN'S GREAT ARTIST!?

I love you all.