Wednesday, August 27, 2014

F Yeah Altuzarra for Target

i will fall EVERY TIME for the marketing magic of the high-end/Target collabo.

even if its a designer i don't ordinarily love, i'll still rationalize that i need at least one item. Yep, I'm talking about you... 3.1 Phillip Lim for Target handbag.

but i DO LOVE Altuzarra, & i can't wait until Sept 14 to get these DOPE PIECES!

THIS Military Trench:
 Please little baby jesus up in heaven, have this waistline not hit at the top of my ribcage (tall girls problems)

THIS Hourglass-Figure making device:
Doesn't this belt look so RICH & EXPENSIVE!? it's not!!!!

Possibly, this Bordeaux "wrap" dress:
 only because it reminds me of this dress (also by altuzarra) on Lupita, which looks gorgeous.
 but the seaming on the Target dress is going to have to hit at all the right places, or the effect will be lost. Crossing Fingers!!

One thing that i won't be buying, but i think YOU ALL should, are these boots:

Ive got about 75,000 incarnations of this boot in my closet already.
But these are SO BEAUTIFUL! If you don't have a pair GET THESE!!!

of course on Sept 14, i'll be at Target trying on everything, so i'll let you now how all the fits & fabrics are, MY LOVES!

Sunday, August 24, 2014

GUEST BLOGGER: DON RUSH shows us TRULY that MEN ARE FROM MARS!!

Newspaper Deity, Don Rush;
so kindly offered to give his masculine perspective to the blog this week! WHATTA DOLL!

LET'S SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY!!

Fillin' In.

Unexpected, that's what this is. Why would a fashion maven, ask a truly undiscriminating eye to pinch-hit on a fashion blog? I chalk it up to desperate times call for desperate measures.

“Have fun,” the fashion maven said. “Be yourself. Your own thoughts.”


“Sure,” I replied tepidly.

First up, I am your quintessential American male. Know this, I have underwear older than my 14-year-old son and shirts dating back to the Bush One presidency.

 You can sum up my fashion tastes pretty simply, “Early 21st Century Garage Sale.” And, if it ain't broke don't fix it. Tan khaki pants and a dress shirt never goes out of style (I think?). Fashion trends? For fun I googled teen fashion trends.” In less than a nanosecond I had 39.5 million choices to research. Yikes. I clicked on the “Images” tab and then I got my inspiration.


It's *back to school* time and what I learned in less than two seconds was teen fashion is really girls' fashion. I saw two shots for boy teens to about 300 hundred pictures of girls, teens and 20-somethings modeling the latest clothes to wear to school and Friday night football games. 

Some was pretty and good. Some was downright trashy. Maybe it has always been this way for for you girls but for us boys . . . heck when it was back-to-school-shopping time as a lad in Flyover Country, USA, my mom would lead me to the department store's “Husky” aisle. 
Cringe is the only word that comes to mind, now.

But for the girls (and I had three younger, and much prettier sisters) there were rows upon rows of outfits to buy. 

I think the key word in that last sentence is “buy.” There's gold in them thar teen fashions! And, it never ends. Many girls, young women, women and mature women spend their lives keeping up on the latest fashion trends, casting aside a perfectly good pair of jeans because it's last year's blah-say style.


Somewhere in the distance I hear cash registers ringing.

And, the girls are taught – shown – they have to keep up with the Kardashian’s or be cast aside as dull and unattractive. Runways, catwalks and red carpet affairs are all about one-upping the other girl (designer) to be the talk of the blogosphere. Can anyone top Lady Gaga's meat suit? 

From a man's perspective, would anybody want to? I always thought bacon was good on everything. Then I saw Gaga and I was agog as to why anybody would waste all that food. My BLT will never be the same.

Is it any wonder you women obsess over fashion? You're brainwashed from the time you're old enough to grow pigtails on how you need to look, what to wear, what your body should look like. 

Don't get me wrong, I like a lot of fashion and how it looks on a woman and even though I resist the instinct, often my head cranes left or right, as if on a swivel, to follow one of you all dolled up.

Im just not too hip on a lot of teen (and younger) styles foisted upon young women. We (and I speak for most grounded, red-blooded men out there) do really, really like *the WOMAN* wearing the fashion.



I am sure it's fun to play dress-up cuz I like to dress-up in my Wednesday-go-to-meeting clothes, too. Just remember, there's fun time and real time. (And, after writing all this, I am sure there's a reason Im not writing about fashion more often! Thank you for indulging me.)

THANK YOU SO MUCH DON!! Be sure to check out Don's weekly column in:
-The Clarkston News
-The Oxford Leader
-The Lake Orion Review
Annnnd.... The Citizen!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Rainbow of Pixies

Surgery is Tuesday, so i have one more opportunity to dye my hair a ridiculous color. 

I want to wait till the last possible second, so my root game doesn't get cray too quickly. I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do with my color after surgery. Anyone wanna be my hair cut/color fairy?
It's like a grown-out seaweed green. Some random burnout looking guy told me it looks like David Bowie, wow what a complement. 
There is no fucking way I am this cool. My god. 

But I thought, since this is THE END... Since I don't know what's going to happen to my hair, someone may just buzz it off, whatever. I should try a different color!? Or stay the same light turquoise? What do you think?

I could go apricot. 
Kind of creamy and pretty and warm? Her hair looks like whipped frosting. But I've done red, and it just doesn't suit me. I think with my complexion the warmer colors are not flattering.

Or maybe a cooler more lagoon blue?
I like this color. It would take the green out of the blue i have now, and it's a tiny bit different?

Or I could just go hardcore light leaf green?
I don't know man, this is just not pretty to me. it's like booger green.

My girlfriend Stef suggested fuchsia:
My daughter would really like this. but damn, i just think I can't do pink because Rihanna KILLED IT with her pink pixie (wig):
I can't hold a candle to that!

Or I was thinking purple, like I had last summer. looks cool on this little gamine:

I liked it, it was fun:

But now I'm all afraid people will think i'm emulating Kelly Osbourne, because lavender purple hair is totes her signature:

How amazing is this yellow pixie on Kate Moss?
I LOVED these McQueen ads, so RAD. Kate is the queen of everything.

But then the turquoise dye is sitting my my cupboard saying, "Use ME!"
It's a dope color, I've had fun with it. Maybe it's just best to stick with whatcha got. Right?

Monday, August 11, 2014

Teen Choice Awards 2014 - Red Carpet Round Up

Ahh, the Teen Choice Awards. Usually a sea of Disney Princesses dressed like Las Vegas cocktail waitresses. 
This awards show always makes me cringe because I HAVE a 6 year old daughter. and damn, as god as my witness I do not want her to dress like a cheap girl going to a Windsor bar in her finest Charlotte Russe. 

Some "celebs" did dress in a fun way for last night's show. I have to give them credit, the bar is set very low. There is not a lot one has to do to make this list. Pretty much just not look like a hooker. 

Bella Thorne:
I like this cupcake shape. and I am a huge fan of the illusion panels. You get all the effect of skin but without the whorey aftertaste. 
It's funny how people are always like, "oh my! Beyonce is showing her whole ass to the world!" no she is not, she is just showing skin-colored lycra to the world. don't worry. 
Bella Thorne is a beauty! I love the strawberry blonde hair and deep brown eyes. Gorgeous. 

 Kim Marmashian:
The world's oldest, most self-exposed teen mom. Why is she there? Oh yeah, because sadly millions of young people worship her! oh gawd. I'm not totally anti this outfit, but I am not loving the shoes. Those shoes look like orthopedic latin dance shoes.  I honestly wonder how long Kim will have the World by the ear. At some point she will have to show something other than her spectacular body, right? But tons of celebs are looking gorgeous forever... so *slow clap* Kim K, keep on keepin on.

Rita Volk:
Another cute illusion panel dress, and I love this rosy coral color, so gorgeous on the skin. The bodice has a really creative cut. Almost like something that Uhura would have worn on Star Trek.

Tay Tay:
Doing her damn Tay Tay thang. I love this two-piece. so cute. But the hair looks like some windswept "Top Gun" love-interest 'do, and the sandals are very 1970s cazh, which isn't a bad thing, but I don't think really go with this outfit which is super 2014. I do think that Taylor is looking rather tiny, but since she's hanging out with and doing workouts with Karlie Kloss, that pretty much makes sense. I wonder if Taylor Swift would walk a runway? Or if she'd even be asked? She's clearly sample size.

Willow Shields:
If I was a 60 year old Park Avenue *Lady who Lunches*, this is exactly what I would wear to Bergdorf's.  Giant Applique Rhinestones give it a Linda Richman 555-4444 vibe, and gosh who doesn't like little tulips sprinkled all over their legs. The color does photograph well, and her eyebrow game is STRONG.

Zendaya:
I genuinely like this look. What a beautiful young lady. I think it's funny that the single-sole pointed toe pumps are back, because they were only unseeded by the platform awhile ago, and now that the platforms have died a sudden humiliating death, the single-sole pointys are back again. I can see them cheering! "HA! WE KNEW YOU'D TAKE US BACK YOU BASIC BITCHES!"
The color of this dress is lovely. and yeah, it def needs tailoring, but she's a girl and her mom should have taken care of that, so I don't blame her.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Fall Fashion Script-Flip... Post-Surgery Dressing

Before I found out I had to have my shoulder replaced, I had grand plans for my wardrobe for this fall. I wanted to dress like a young Italian widow, like Monica Bellucci in the Dolce & Gabbana ads from 2012...
 Black low-cut cardigans with great structured dresses...

 Gorgeous hand-made lace dresses with knee high stockings...

 How fabulous would this be!? I love this look. and this is still my favorite ad campaign of all time.

 MONICA, YOU ARE SO FABULOUS. I WANT TO BE YOU!

Look at her looking wonderful with all of her boys...
I would have rocked this look, but alas it shall not be.

I still can't believe i have to get this done.
So we're going to have to figure out a way to dress around it. I know, because I've had 4 surgeries on this goddamn shoulder before, how limited my motion will be.

Plus, i'll have to wear this ugly thing for who knows how long:
Why is she so HAPPY! oh yeah, because she's just modeling the thing and didn't have to get her upper arm filleted & de-boned.

So I thought of a couple things that are kind of cute and I can probably get on myself:

A Western Shirt
 I've actually got a few of these in my closet since I'm a card-carrying hipster (obvi)

I think the snaps will facilitate the administration and removal of my stupid arm
 Look how cute this lady looks in hers above. So feminine and rockabilly chic!

Or I could go androgynous like this *PBR sipper* below:
Don't you think this is a cute look? Yay or Nay?

My other option is the High Fashion Tank Top

After my previous surgeries, I employed the spaghetti strap tank top often:
I could get it over  my head and around my arms really easily.

And now I could get some *super cute* tanks with cheeky statements on them... Like my fav TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!? 
WOW, how east-side does this chick look? LOL

But something like this below, would be 2014 looking, right?
 I love those red heels too. J'adore.

I really want to find out where this guy got this awesome tank
 I think I saw him at the Lager House.

This one RIGHT BELOW would be flawless...
The skinny straps would be easy to move in, wouldn't interfere with incisions or the sling. it's chic and modern and so fantastically asymmetrical. Maybe I'll get it. Thank you ASOS.

If you guys have any suggestions about what I should try for fashion after my surgery please shoot me an email (readydressedgo@gmail.com) or a tweet (@readydressedgo)

I NEED YOUR HELP. I WANT TO BE THE MOST FASHIONABLE BIONIC WOMAN OF ALL TIME.