Friday, November 27, 2015

Having fun with Makeup - Blonde Ambition Edition

So after being blonde... then pink, purple, violet, then electric blue which faded to a mossy green haircolor, I'm finally back to a beige blonde:

When you have hair in such a rainbow of hues, you really don't have to do much in the makeup department. I love makeup, but found myself, especially when having the brighter hair colors, to wear a very neutral cosmetics palette on the face.

I still think these are the BEST eyeshadow collections money can buy. i love them and will buy them over and over again as long as I live.

But now, having this boring blonde responsible person hair color, I'm looking to liven up my eyes,  cheeks and lips with some extra pizazz. 

Today a tried doing lime green eyeshadow:
I used MAC aquavert.
I applied it basically exactly like this chick did above. with the liquid liner (I used my beloved L'Oreal lineur intense) and defined the crease with "buck" from the Naked OG palette.

I thought it was fun, and less expected than a blue eyeshadow which i really can't do because it brings out all the veins and darkness in the skin around my eyes so i end up looking like Gollum:
not a good look, hunnays.

Another look I've been toying with is the Black-Cherry lip:
I bought Maybelline's "Deepest Cherry"
which was the darkest shade I could find at Kroger (lol).

I've worn it twice, and one time a young child in my son's class asked me, "did you paint that on your face?" to which I said, "yes I did." hahaha.

I kind of love the 90s connotations of this rich deep red. it reminds me of Janeane Garofalo in "Reality Bites"

the dark lipstick that I actually wore in the 1990s was by Wet'n'Wild and it looked absolutely black in the tube. I should see if they still carry that at Perry Drug.

I've also been trying my hand at the "Strobing" technique of highlighting my skin, like Gigi:

I bought a tube of NYX highlighter on a total whim:
which i was terrified to try since I'm 36 and starting to get fine lines, i thought, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING VANESSA!? PUTTING A FUCKING SPOTLIGHT ON YOUR WRINKLES!?"

but then i heard that with "strobing" you put the highlighter on parts of your face that naturally catch light and it takes the spotlight OFF OF your wrinkles. then i breathed a great sigh of relief.

So I hit my face with the highlighter (using Gigi as an example again):
and it seems to be fun and sparkly, but very subtle?

I was nervous about the pearly pink color at first, since my skin is pale, yet has yellow undertones, and i assure you this does not seem to matter. it's catching the light, you cannot see color. yay! and it was cheap!

So what fun makeup looks are you trying lately? Hit me up on twitter @readydressedgo or tag me in your Insty's @readydressedgo as well!

Sunday, November 22, 2015

AmerICAN Music Awards - 2015 Red Carpet

Thank god for Awards Season... When the weather gets colder, and I can distance myself from the suffocating white boa constrictor that is the Michigan Winter and concentrate on *pretty dresses* for a couple hours. 

Julianne Hough
What happened to the surly, miserable Julianne Hough? (like below)
For YEARS homegirl would show up to red carpets and photo calls looking like someone just pooped in her salad previous to camera time. 
Maybe it was from dating Ryan Seacrest; who had the stature, yet sadly not the winning personality of Tattoo from Fantasy Island:
that would make anyone sad. 
I'm glad that Julianne is glowing now, in the last few red carpets I've seen her on "this year of our lord 2015" she's been smiling and glowing. It looks good on you, Hunnay, I hope to see it forever & ever.

Jenny "What the literal fuck" McCarthy
 She is serving up 1990s (literal) throwback-stripper-mrs.claus in the very worst way. Why the SCREAM for attention? Are you trying to attract the hot Wahlberg brother? This is NOT the way to do it.
Jenny, we know you have a hot body. We know you are also 43. We also know you have MONEY. Which buys STYLISTS so that you can look like this:
This David Koma dress is STILL in a bright color. STILL shows your hot body... but it looks a hell of a lot more modern and chic.

Gwen Stefani
She's beautiful. I love her. Even though I'm pissed I was wait-listed on the Urban Decay + Gwen Stefani palette, BITCH WE USED TO GO TO TARGET TOGETHER IN 1999!! Don't you remember!? (this is actually true)

 But Gwen 2015 in her sheer black gown is very elegant, and it's a departure from her plethora of other style aesthetics. I love when celebs mix up their game. I love the nude lip, and the completely sheer skirt, give us more Gwennie!

Sunday, August 30, 2015

VMAs Best of the Red Carpet 2015

I remember looking forward to the VMAs when I was a teen. I loved seeing all the *Zany* antics of my favorite famous people, and seeing the *Edgy* clothing that they would wear. 
Then for a month afterward, MTV would play the VMA show over and over and over again, and so I'd sit there for 3... 6... 9... 12 hours, soaking in the late 1990s fabulousness. 

We always had the nakedness at the VMAs:
Lil Kim in 1999 in her little purple pasty, letting her gravity-defying titty shine like a celebrity of it's own. 

Rose McGowan in 1998 taking the "Naked Dress" concept... literal AF. 
I think I remember being actually shocked by this at the time.

But now nudity & exposed body parts are so ho-hum:

here's Miley at the 2015 VMAs tonight!
Maybe it's because I worked in health-care and modeling and now have little kids, I just am not phased by the exposure of skin any more. I actually appreciate more fabric on the body because of the skill and handiwork of the art of making actual garments.

Also, remember when Miley looked like this?
LOLOL what a sweet little honey.

I thought at the VMAs tonight we were going to see the parade of starlets and singers and Disney Darlings in tons of bandage dresses, but I figured out JUST TONIGHT that the CROP SET is the *new* BANDAGE DRESS!! It REALLY IS! SEE!

Amanda Steele wore this shining example:
it's cute, shows that you don't eat carbs. Belly is the new Ass because Ass was the new Boobs?

The hands-down most impressive thing I saw at the VMAs tonight was Taylor Swift's flock of truly flawless women:
 Like how many publicists had to work how many decades to get this together?

Also, I'm glad that Tay decided to wear this bizarre harlequin trapeze rider outfit so as to not to upstage all the extreme beauty on display:
This crop set (SEE CROP SET!!) is by Ashish. There is some kind of FreeMason's type secrecy and mind-control strategy at play. I just know it.

Gigi even split her entire dress up the front before showtime:
Taylor's all like SHAKE IT OFF GIGI.
#YOLO #squadgoals

Amber Rose brought one #squad member, Blac Chyna:
And if I was a gambler (which I am) I would put my money on Amber's squad for a wide variety of tasks and challenges. I just love Amber, I think she's so beautiful, and always repping the ladies with short hair. She & Blac Chyna could definitely slalom a Ducati through the streets of LA, figure out a series of riddles or wield swords better than Taylor's Crew. I just know it.

Then poor Tori Kelly shows up alone:
Doesn't she look flabbergasted?
"Why am I here by myself? Is this even allowed anymore? Who am I going to fight crimes with?"
So sad.

Hopefully by the VMAs next year she can get a squad together, let's see, who's available...?

                                                                -Adam West?

                                                         -Chloe Sevigny?
                                          Oooh, she'd be my pick.

                                                              Or maybe Charo?

I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

So what are your favorite VMA moments from over the years??  Hit me up on twitter @readydressedgo

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Teen Choice Awards 2015 - Best of the Blue Carpet

 The Teen Choice Awards is always a great place to see some *cute* *fun* fashion. Like the type of fashion that you can describe with Emojis only.

Like Bella Thorne here:
 This look is obviously "Happy Face with Heart Shaped Eyes".
This girl is looking fabulous. I always thought of Bella Thorne as kind of one of those ingenues that will not really amount to anything and go down in a fiery blaze of bath salts & self-tanner, but I feel like she looks and is carrying herself like a REAL STAR here! Go Lady Go!! I believe that Johnny Wujek styles her, and I really think his clothing selections are putting her on a A-List trajectory. Johnny is a Detroit-area native, which means he's got moxie and swagger for days and doesn't take crap from anyone aka AMAZING CLOTHING SELECTION ABILITY.

Rowan Blanchard, who is an actual teen:
looks so dorbs in her dress and Vans slip-ons.
Some people were critical of this, but hell, she's a little girl, I don't want to see her in stilettos! WEAR THOSE VANS FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN. Her dress reminds me of something my daughter would choose to wear, and my girl happens to be the World's Most Talented 7 Year Old Wardrobe Stylist.
Yeah, there were other similar age girls at the Teen Choice Awards in Herve' Leger-esque bandage dress crap, it does not impress me. I do not need to see the exact outline of a woman's body, I have one, I can just look in the mirror.

Gorgeous Model Robyn Lawley wERQing this lacey-butterup confection:
I'm glad THIS LADY is in heels, because she's 6'2'' and I just think it's so lame when laydeez 6 foot and over (such as myself) decline to wear the leg-enhancing footwear just so they can appear "not too tall". Because there's still this ridiculous thought going around that women should be shorter than men, which is completely without any fact or merit other than misogyny and oppression to females. 

So who did you think was best dressed at the TEEN CHOICE AWARDS? 

Friday, August 14, 2015

Field Guide to Mackinac Island

I just spent the week on Michigan's Crown Jewel, and by that I do not mean DownRiver... but MACKINAC ISLAND

'tis a beautiful island, full of gorgeous flora & fauna. I was thinking of making it my home... but then I remembered that winter comes, and REARS IT'S UGLY BEAST-LIKE NEGATIVE 40 DEGREE HEAD 4+ months out of the year.

So instead I'll just visit in the summer.

It's an interesting place, and reminds me of the Cape Cod of my youth.
EXCEPT, that there are not man-eating sharks roaming the waters. Which is awesome.

Like Cape Cod, Mackinac Island is loved by White People.
So I thought I'd put together a little field guide to help make your future trip to Mackinac Island even more enjoyable than it would be.

Many of the tourists you will see on Mackinac Island are the mid/upper-class Families.

Mom will have a Vera Bradley purse:
Dad will be wearing a North Face long-sleeve T shirt:
Well we are in the North of Michigan so this is appropriate.

and the kids will be wearing "Mackinac Island" souvenir shirts just in case they forget where they are:

Also did I tell you? There are no cars on Mackinac Island, so you must travel by either bike, horse, rickshaw, piggy-back ride or hang-glider.

Because of this basically the horses run the island.
"Do not cross me, Human."

The horses only work pulling carriages and carrying riders for 4 hours a day, every other day. The rest of their time is spent playing croquet & sipping champagne on the Grand Hotel lawn.
It's a pretty luxe life.

There is Fort Mackinac and several historical buildings portraying colonial life between the Native Americans and the British, but alas in this day and age, not a Native American person to be found.
I found this to be curious.

there are however tons of beautiful people from the island of Jamaica
whom I tended to befriend and love.

I guess I can understand this? Jamaica is a gorgeous island paradise and so is Mackinac Island? So actually that makes sense.
I wish that there was Jamaican reggae being played in proportion to the amount of Jamaican people on the island, because the only live-music I found there was Square Dance Music:
and the Square Dance caller was HARD-FUCKING-CORE. He called me out several times for crappy technique. IT WAS MY FIRST TIME ASSHOLE!

I think what I liked best about Mackinac Island was the beautiful water and the shores;
And I can't wait to dip my toes in those clear beautiful waves next year.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Win a Ready... Dressed... PREZZIE!!!!!

Can you believe I've handed out 1,000 of these things??

But I'm down to my last couple "business" cards, and I'm thinking that I need something new.

First off, NOT ONE PERSON in 3 years has EVER submitted an outfit photo, and honestly, who the hell would, that's so narcissistic and weird.
well... this guy would.

So I'm looking for something original and hilarious to put on the card.

I actually like my logo:
which i designed #graphicdesignFTW

but I'd like some clever text, and I KNOW that the people that read my blog are the MOST COMEDIC GENIUSES IN THE WORLD.

So I challenge you, dear readers... Come up with something to put on my business card, and whomever comes up with the most awesome, ridiculous concept GETS A PRIZE FROM ME!

I was browsing the interwebs for ideas:
I really like this. Nice work, Barton.

I definitely saw what Sarah did here:
 but yeah, it's memorable and cute.

Homer's card is amazing:
 I wonder if there are a lot of sketchy politics in the Plus-Size Butt Model industry.

This is a classic, and I know no fewer than 4 men my dad's age that have this card:
But it's great! Everyone smiles! It's a win x 10^zillionth power

So think of 3 or 4 lines for my business card and I'll send y'all some bad-ass shit! That's a pretty simple challenge!!
Email your ideas to me at or tweet them to me @readydressedgo

What could your prize be, you ask???