Saturday, May 23, 2015

amfAR Gala - Fashion Fever Antipyretics

Confession Time:

I have a fever, and the only cure is more pretty ball gowns. 


So with the amfAR Gala happening last night in Cannes, I had to take notice. 
Yes, amfAR raises money to fund AIDS research. That is awesome. I guess they brought in over 3 million at the Cannes event, which is GREAT! YAY! 

But the fashion is what really caught my eye. 
Beautiful dresses that just take my breath away. The gowns that I wish I could wear while waltzing with Yul Brynner around some marble ballroom in Eastern Russia. 

Chanel Iman in Zuhair Murad Couture:
Doesn't she just look like a *DREAM VISION* !? The tone of the tulle perfectly matching her caramel skin, the flower petals like those of rice being scattered over a newly pronounced man and wife. It's just such beauty, beyond what we see on the Academy Awards or any of that awards show crap. This is the showcase of the glow of life.

Lily Donaldson in Saint Laurent:
Yes this gown is very simple, but it's elegant. There's just something about the cut of the bodice on her body that screams "PERFECTION". I'm never a fan of black dresses, but I love this one. It looks very Old School to me, it's not trying to be flashy, not trying to get attention, just gracing the lines of this statuesque human and making her look and feel her absolute best.

Dita Von Teese in Ulyana Sergeenko Couture:
Ulyana Sergeenko, in addition to being one of the most beautiful people in the world, is one of my favorite designers. I really adore how she keeps a lot of Russian heritage motifs alive in her clothing. The colors and embroidery and detail are always done in the most perfect way possible. Dita just radiates richness in this garment, and looks poised and ready to take on the world.

My favorite gown of the night was,
Kendall Jenner in Calvin Klein Collection:
 Can you believe it? I want to hate myself for loving her in this dress so much, but I can't lie. Kendall just looks gorgeous and I love the way the top contrasts with the skirt, and the fabric of the skirt dances around her.
 The color lights up her skin like moonstone, and she looks like she knows she's the best dressed person at the event. Her confidence is palpable.
 I'm sad about this, but I'm going to have to admit that Kendall is a star in her own right. I actually think she should distance herself from Kim and her sketchy Mom, and just forge ahead as a stand-up human with wonderful sartorial taste.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Why do *Bitches Steal Each Others Looks* ?

Watching the Billboard Music Awards the other night, I noticed THREE outfits that I had seen on the Red Carpet for other Events. WHY GOD WHY?
If I, **Detroit-Area Fashion Icon**/ Mom, know by one glance that a look has been worn before, then their stylists must know for damn sure. 

Chrissy Teigan in Balmain for the Billboard Music Awards 2015....

In the SAME EXACT DRESS as Alessandra Ambrosio wore to the Latin Grammys LAST YEAR!
Is it like an ego thing? Did Chrissy & her Glam Squad just think that they were going to blow Alessandra out of the water, so to hell with all the side to side comparison photos that were bound to show up on the internet instantly after?

This one is a bit more confusing to me.
Taraji P. Henson, whom I adore, in this TRES COOL Alexandre Vauthier gown at the Billboard Music Awards...

That was just worn by Miley Cyrus at the Grammy Awards this very year of our Lord, 2015.
I actually like it better on Taraji, she looks gorgeous, but no matter what is going on in my life, or how beautiful the dress is, I REFUSE to wear anything that Miley Cyrus has been photographed in. I just think that's a pretty sound life mantra.

Lastly, Kendall Jenner in Balmain at the Billboard Music Awards...

I instantly thought, "OMG Gwen Stefani rocked that same blazer!"
Well, it's not exactly the same, but it is also Balmain, and she wore it THREE YEARS AGO at the American Music Awards 2012.

So why are these people doing this? I'm sure it's got something to do with "clicks" or "media savvy" or "fame" or something else that I don't understand. but as a person that loves clothing, I just would not want to be Second Banana in ANY outfit at a high profile event, EVER! No matter how awesome the gown/suit/whatever is. 
There's a trillion talented designers out there, and the whole field of current fashion and vintage to pick from! The possibilities are endless! Why be a Repeat?? 
What do you guys think?

Sunday, May 17, 2015

*Hashtag Totes Amaze* Fashions on the Cannes 2015 Red Carpet!

I've always wanted to go to the Cannes Film Festival. But honestly, who hasn't. That's like saying, "Hmmm, I've always wanted the Sun to Shine."

One thing about the Festival is that you get a lot of avant garde Red Carpet action, because of the Gold Medal Formula of it being:
  • warm
  • in France
  • having a lot of Euro Celebs
So our conventional Movie Stars seem to step up they game and dress:

Take my hand and walk this sartorial stroll with me:

Diane Kruger in Prada
Homegirl can dress. I always like the style of Diane, she's a celeb that I'd love to trade closets with. This prada is revealing without being garish, and ethereal without being fairy taley. The dove-gray color warms her skin, and the palettes bring the fancy. I adore it.


French film star Frederique Bel in Zuhair Murad
With the cheesy "naked" dresses being all the rage right now it's great to see a beautiful woman like this serve up some 1980s-meets-1920s-art-deco. The color blocking on this gown makes her perfect body look flawless, and it's such a simple yet striking color combination that we just haven't seen a lot of lately. This is like the "power dressing" of gowns.

Li BingBing in Zuhair Murad
Yes this is technically a "naked" dress, but it's more than that, it's got great silhouette and flattering detail like the double skirting on the back and the gorgeous belt. Also, it's not garish, her entire ass is not hanging out. and she doesn't have to worry about the world seeing her one pock of cellulite. it's very dreamy, like something one would wear when flitting about clouds twirling in the arms of their one true love.

and Fan BingBing in Marchesa
To answer your question: No, Fan and Li are not related.
I love this dress. It's very much like the looks one will see on the runway and possibly deem "unwearable in real life", but guess what, this lady is WEARING IT. It's kind of hippie, kind of late 60s early 70s, but then also kind of renaissancey. The flower crown is the perfect precious touch. I am into this gown, no one can argue that this look is not just SOOOOOO PRETTY! It's like what your 6 year old daughter would dress you in for your wedding day.

Lupita Nyong'o in Gucci
As a lifetime member of the Lupita Nyong'o fan club I fully endorse this jade-green confection. She's got such a way about her, and this dress just looks stunning, I can barely handle it. And then as if this wasn't all already enough, she twirls down the red carpet in it:
TWIRLS! How amazing is she!?
Love for life, and having fun and saying, "hey this dress is really awesome, i'm going to spin around in it and let it all flutter."
She is the best.

Naomi Watts in Elie Saab
I love love love love love love feathers. 
They have constant movement, and softness, and a translucent delicateness that just begs to be touched. So romantic. I wonder what this felt like to wear. It was probably like being hugged by a million happy kittens. 

and the Most Awesomest Award goes to Russian TV star Elena Lenina
I will never be a famous person, thank god, but I wonder what it is like psychologically to dress specifically to be photographed. I am not knocking her, but I just don't see the thrill in her eye of loving this look, it just looks like costume. I applaud whomever dressed her, she looks awesome; like the ghost of the Bride of Frankenstein. But I kind of understand, because her "just get photographed" approach works, the only way I learned her name was from her cray looks on the Cannes red carpet. So more power to you. Mission Accomplished.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Rompers, Playsuits, Shorterall LOVE

I didn't want it to happen, but I've become a huge fan of the show "Girls" on HBO

 I am certainly not taking this as a pride-point... but so many of the convos and situations the "Girls" get into on the show reminds me of myself in my 20s.

I am falling in love with Hannah, Lena Dunham's character, despite the fact that Dunham kind of *hated on the women of Detroit* (we'll just assume she was in a bad place when she made that statement), annnd some of the more creepy insights I gained about her from her biography...
 But lest we not judge a person's work based on their actual human flaws, right?

So Hannah wore this AWESOME "Short-er-Alls" outfit on the last episode that I watched, and I was completely dying over it.
We in the fashion-world usually call these tops-connected-to-shorts "Playsuits" or "Rompers" which *my god* I love both of those terms, how freaking fun. 

But you cannot deny how awesome it would be to just throw on ONE PIECE of clothing, and be like BOOM I'M DONE DRESSING. It's like the Swiss Army Knife of summer garments. I want one!!
 and then I want to stick a chihuahua puppy in mine and let it fall asleep, like Hannah did, that was so damn cute.

So I've seen a couple of Rompers while vintage shopping, like this one:
I try to put the thing on and my torso is just too long!! MOTHER FUCKERS!

When I finally pull it over my shoulders I feel like I'm being given an Atomic Wedgie of Death:
and it's like TRULY painful.

Dammit. It's like the jumpsuit struggle all over again.

I think rompers of the sailor variety are the BEST:
 How totes amaze would this be to wear to the zoo. It's *just enough* costumey that I would only have to wear a captain's hat to look like I am coming from some "Love Boat" cosplay event.

This below playsuit I believe was the actual uniform for the Norwegian Cruise Line's waitresses in the 1980s:


And I love the *balls to the wall* pin-up-y-ness of this one with the Actual Sailor Anchor, fuck yes.
I would wear the hell out of all three of these.

So is there a brand that makes them in "Tall"?

Miranda Kerr is wearing a romper here:
She's 5'9''! Lady, can I borrow that? Thanks.

I just think these things make you look so effortless and put together. The question was posed the other day, "Am I too old for a romper?"

I don't think there's a cap on that.

Solange is slaying in this one, which I would love to have:
and she's 28. I love her style.

and Eva Mendes at 41 is rocking the socks off a Playsuit as well:
I'm a huge fan of the headscarf too.

So hopefully I can find one. Maybe even a modern one with this kind of louche fit:
How easy and cute and chic?
This one looks so comfortable while being stylish and a tad bit seckzy?

So I'm going to keep looking and if anyone gets a line on a tall person romper LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY!! muah muah!

Friday, May 8, 2015

Diary of a Newly Overweight Woman

Dear Diary,

Today I am 6 foot tall and a size 10.
Over the last 15 years I've dealt with recurring bouts of eating disorders that have dropped my body into a skeletal state, time after time. Various things have triggered these relapses...

  • Having a rapist break into my bedroom window as I slept
  • Desire for control over an insane home-life
  • Perfectionism
  • Body Dysmorphism (?)

In the last 6 months I think I've been doing really well! I've stopped starving myself (since my last modeling gig), and I've been going to the gym nearly every day working on making myself STRONG and CONFIDENT! WOOT!!

So when I went for a health screening this week, and the nurse told me my BMI puts me in the "Overweight" range, it really felt like a slap in the face.


Let me get this straight.
If I starve and over-exercise, and my brain is not working at all & I look like a bony mannequin I am at a "healthy" BMI?

Apparently the answer is YES.

I'm getting some conflicting feelings over this.
Granted I was only 2 pounds into the "overweight" range, and I had not taken a poop that day, so laying a giant log may have put me back in the "normal" BMI.

But my take away from this experience is that my body is never satisfactory.

If I'm at my thinnest, everyone tells me to "eat a hamburger". and If I assume the eating and exercise behaviors of a normal human I'm deemed overweight. I can't win.


That word hurt... "Overweight".

I have a degree in Kinesiology, I'm conscious of what I put into my body. I'm trying to set a good example for my children, but yet I hear that word and I feel defeated.


So what do I do? Do I diet now? Get a scale? Those were my first instincts. I thought, "I know how to shed weight". I was going to stop at Walgreens on the way home and put that scale in my bathroom to scrutinize every pound of me, every day.
Everyone said, "It's because your athletic." "Muscle weighs more than fat". But I don't care. not under any circumstances do I want to be called "overweight" by a medical professional, EVER. I'm sure this is a pride thing, but no matter HOW I'm deemed clinically overweight, no matter how flawed the technique is, I do not want it, I want that word to go away.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

MET GALA MADNESS 2015

The "Met Gala" is my Super Bowl. It is my Academy Awards. It's where all my favie fashion illuminati come together and dress kind of insanely awesome, and I get to see the photos and bask in the glow of the sheer opulence of it all.

It's the annual fundraising gala for the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute... BUT LET'S BE REAL. It's REALLY the one night that people with ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD AND THE MOST BANGIN BODIES get to dress up to a theme with NO HOLDS BARRED and stun us in a venue unlike any other. Where literally anything goes.


The theme this year was "China: Through the looking glass"
A lot of the blogger/fashion lover crowd was very displeased with this *theme*, many of them thought that the attendees to the Gala would resort to cheesy, borderline offensive, randomly appropriated garb... and sure that happened. But I think by and large a lot of people dressed for the theme really well!


Now let's witness the greatness. I'll show you some super cool looks first and then end with my TWO SUPER FAVIES THAT JUST KNOCKED MY SOCKS OFF.

 Poppy Delevingne in Marchesa
Poor Poppy, most of the time she's overshadowed by her WILDLY FAMOUS younger sis (who will be seen below), but I love the floaty wonderment of this gown. and how it's almost like she is dressed as the Faerie of Opium hangovers.

Jessica Hart in Valentino
Rocking apropos theme action in full force. I feel like Jessica is serving up some SuperHero Realness in this dress as well, in the way that the neck goes high, and the sleeves long and lean, just what you need for fighting the crazy 88. Yes I know I'm appropriating. I'm sorry. I digress.

Solange in Giles Deacon
Please excuse me, but I always opt to err on the side of ridiculous. I love this dress. This is exactly what I want to see at the Met Gala. Something that is boundary pushing, something that you have never imagined before. Thank you to Solange for having the gall to put this garment on her body, especially after the super boring dress she wore last year (click here to see)

Larry David in ?
Looking through the event photos I was so tickled to see that Larry David was there. I love him. I want to know who decided to give him an invite, and give them a *HIGH FIVE*. I couldn't imagine how awesome it would be to be a guest at the Met Gala and be seated at Larry David's table. That is literally a dream come true to me. He's so goddamn hilarious. 

Karolina Kurkova in Tommy Hilfiger
Her legs are out of control gorgeous. and this hue of crimson is just glowing on her skin. it's lovely. When I think China, my last thought in the world is Tommy Hilfiger. but this is really beautiful and working, but maybe it's working because Karolina is a gorgeous experienced model that could make ANYTHING look good?

Joan Smalls in Roberto Cavalli
Joan is just one of the most stunning women that has ever lived. I know that this is kind of one of those "naked" dresses, but on Joan she is making it come alive, instead of it being some garish rhinestone vagazzle (like some others wore). She's worn purple lips before and that color works so well with her complexion, it's obvious why she would choose the royal hue again. Plus, I adore the bad-ass belt with such a delicate gown.

Cara Delevingne in Stella McCartney
I'm giving Cara the "I never would have seen that coming" Award. I like that her play on the theme was this body art installation. It's like cherry blossom tattoos, so pretty, with a very modern jumpsuit. I wonder what the art was done with and who did it! It's so pretty. I wonder if she's just going to get it tattooed on and keep it for life because I love it.

Now for my top 2 besties dressedies!!

First Runner Up: Amal Clooney in John Galliano for Maison Margiela
 I love Amal Clooney. She is always styled impeccably. I think what really draws me to this dress though is the contrast of it. I love the hardness of the leathery-battalion-ready-bodice, and the softness of the satin ruffles.
 I bet it looked amazing moving too. Like Amal walking in it would really make this garment dance. The color looks great against her skin and hair.
This gown is really an art piece and I'm so glad that she's in this world to wear this. A lot of the "starlet" types could learn a lot from her. I mean, when there are designers out there to create something this beautiful and timeless for you why wouldn't you wear it? Instead of just some boring solid color column like so many of them showed up in?

and My Best Dressed for the Night:
Rihanna in Guo Pei
 A couple days before the Gala, I had a friend (that was going to the event) say, "I wish I could take you, what would you wear?" and I said I'd wear a giant golden couture gown by Guo Pei.
And then Rihanna showed up in a giant golden couture gown by Guo Pei.
BITCH STOLE MY LOOK

People said this garment looked like an omelette, a pizza crust... Yeah, sure it did. LOL.
But it was really this enormous magnificent hand-embroidered beautiful statement of a thing.

I don't even know if it was a robe or a coat. I don't think anyone does. It's like gravity. Just a theory. But what I do know is that it was Artisan Designership at it's Finest. and that is the BEST THING IN THE WORLD.

Rihanna looked like the Queen of a far off alien Kingdom, the headpiece, makeup and hair were perfect with it. This is the kind of grandeur that I want to see. You only get ONE Met Gala a year, ILLUMINATI PEOPLE!! GO HARD LIKE RIHANNA OR GO HOME!!